Build

Build, a photo by Marvett Smith (Savoring the Simple) on Flickr.

I'm a bit behind on posting my one little word for 2013. It really took some time for me to make a choice this year. Last year seemed so easy, and I was so ready to implement come major "change" in my life. I was able to do just that and the change has served me well. This year I have chosen the word build. 2013 will be a year of hard work for me. There are so many things that I want to "build" including building upon the changes I made in 2012. There are several other things I want to build. This will be my year of building relationships. It will be my year of building memories and moments with those I love most. It will be my year of building confidence in not only myself, but in my favorite boy, in my two girls, and in the girls that I coach and teach. It will be my year of building knowledge and skills from cooking to photography to gardening and more. This will be my year of building new traditions and new habits that will serve my family and others. 2013 will be a year of building for me. I'm strapping on my tool belt because it's time for some major construction.

Been Thinking

I've been thinking lately.  Just random thoughts floating around in my head.  Like how blessed I feel lately to have more time with my kids and more time with my dad.  I know I will look back on this time in my life and be so grateful for the path I have chosen and for the sacrifices it has taken to get here.  My time with them is so valuable.  

I've also been noticing the little things more.  Like when I'm mowing the lawn and I'm so hot and sweaty that I just want to stop and then the slightest breeze picks up and gently lifts my hair off of my neck and dances with it just long enough to give me the relief I need and the desire to keep going.  I've been noticing the people around me more too.  Seeing their beauty, and wondering what struggles they are wrestling with and looking more compassionately on people I don't even know.  Life is rough sometimes and we could all use a break.

I've been realizing things lately too.  Things I should probably already know, but just haven't quite grasped ahold of until now.  Like the fact that it's okay to give myself a pat on the back once in a while.  It's okay to admit that I've been working hard on certain things and it's okay to celebrate and allow myself to feel success and giddiness over things even if they seem dumb to everyone else.  Goals are goals, and more than that when I set them they belong to me, so it's okay to be happy when I feel myself making progress.  It's not selfish and it's not vain.  It's healthy, and I will allow myself to do it from now on without apologizing for it.  The limits that we put on ourselves are kind of silly when we sit down and really think about it, but I have had a few small victories lately that were worth smiling about and I don't regret doing it.  

Last but not least I've been thinking a lot about choices and how grateful I am that I get to make them.  With each step that I take through this mortal experience I realize that I make a choice before I place my foot down and head in the next direction.  Where I go and what I choose to do with my life is completely up to me.  If I don't like something I can make the choice to change it, and that's exactly what I've been focusing on.  So much of my time and energy over the past couple of months have been spent thinking and then choosing.  There are so many options for happiness and success and it's up to me to choose which one to embrace.  Right now I choose my family.  I choose strengthening relationships that I want for eternity because it's the one thing I will be taking with me when I leave this experience.  It feels good to be walking on this path.  It feels good to notice the little things, and it feels good to acknowledge the blessings in my life.  It confirms to me that I'm right where I need to be

A Really Long Post About Change

Since I've been working so hard on my one little word for the year, I thought I would share some insight into some of the things I'm working on and how I'm finding success in accomplishing it.  Before 2012 ever started I knew what I wanted my one little word to be for the year.  I knew I wanted to make some big changes, and I knew I really wanted to focus on ways to make them happen, and so when 2012 arrived I heard the starting gun sound and I began embracing change.  This alone was a big change for me.  I haven't always been a fan in the past and learning to love change has and still is taking some time.  I am well on my way however, to making the changes I have been after.  So what are the changes I am focusing on?  Well, there are actually several, but I'll just share with you a few.  Here is a short list:

• Obtaining and nourishing a healthier spirit
• Budgeting better my personal time and our money
• Enjoying a healthier lifestyle and the benefits that come with it
• Spending my time on things that matter most
• Living with no regrets

The list goes on, but you get the gist.  When I decided to take this word on for the year, and really step outside of my comfort zone to make the changes I truly want happen, I had to decide on an approach that would work best for me.  This is still a work in progress, but I have found a few things that work well for who I am, and because a few of you asked I am going out on a limb to share.  Keep in mind that these are things that work well for me.  I realize that we are all different and therefore different approaches may work better for you, but it has taken many years to not only develop my own personal strengths, it has also taken many years to recognize them as well as my weaknesses.  So here are my thoughts on change.  This is my personal 5 step program.  

1. Planning.  In order for me to accomplish change of any sort (especially the specific items I listed above), I need to begin with a plan.  This is the part where I stand up to the mic and say, "Hello my name is Marvett, and I am a planner."  It's true.  It's who I am.  Right down to the core I'm a planner.  Always have been, always will be, so why fight it?  For me, choosing to approach change is a big deal so why not put one of my strengths into action and make a plan.  For me, planning provides peace.  It allows me to map out my time and maximize it so that I can accomplish the things I want to.  (It also helps me to be efficient.  (This is the part where JM is laughing to himself.  Yes.  I need therapy for my addiction to being efficient!)  If I relate planning to the important changes I want to make in my life, it means that I will actually plan time into my day to work on them.  It means I will plan time for nourishing my spirit.  It means I will allow time to work on lifestyle changes including plans for healthier meals, and time to exercise.  It also means that if I want to spend more time on the things that matter most then I will avoid planning anything during the few hours in the week when our whole little family is all at home at the same time.  Those hours are few and far between and they should be saved for memory making.  I realize that there will be times when this won't be possible, but I have to tell you that over the last year and a half I have learned a ton about how quickly time can pass by, and how quickly a year can be gone and once it's gone it's gone.  I have learned that time is not only valuable but precious, and for me I want to spend it making memories with my family whenever possible.
   
   
2. Lists.  I know, I know, this goes right along with the world of planning, but again lists help me to be successful.  I like to think of lists as another tool in my box to help me savor peace and make sure that everything gets done.  Besides that, I'm one of those people who finds great satisfaction and accomplishment in crossing things off the list.  I've done the background work and decided on the things that I really want to work on changing in my life, so making lists of things I need to do to accomplish them is just another part of the arsenal to attack the work in doing them.  For example, I have a very specific list of things I want to do to nourish my spirit.  I have another list of things I want to research more and learn about to have a healthier lifestyle.  I also have a list of things I'm working on to help with budgeting our money, and I have a very long list of things I would like to check off to assist in using my time wisely.  This may seem overwhelming to many people, but it works for me.  Lists help me get my thoughts out on paper.  They help me to organize the things I'm thinking about.  Once those things are on the list then I can decide if it's something worth keeping there, or if it needs to be tossed.  Once the list is final I can then insert items on a weekly basis into the planning stage.  I can choose which things are most important for me to accomplish during that week, and then plan time to do it.  Again, it may seem overwhelming, but in reality it's not.  I have a whole year to work on making these changes, and once I really get into this I have a feeling that this will become a new lifestyle for me.  I have a feeling that change will be something I crave and look forward to instead of fearing and dreading.  Ticking one thing off the the list per week is rewarding for me, and I'm finding that when the list gets shorter my mind thinks of another thing that can be added to the list.
   
   
3. Organizing.  Ok stay with me here.  If you've made it through the list section than organizing should be a breeze!  For me, organization comes next.  When my home is out of control, my life is out of control.  When my life is out of control, my thoughts are out of control, and I just can't focus.  Let me relate it to the changes I want to make in my life.  If I want to spend more time on the things that matter most, nourish my spirit, and change my lifestyle, I can do that easier in a life that is organized.  Once again having a place for everything and having everything in it's place makes me more efficient (ugh, there's that word again!).  For example, if the pantry and fridge are organized it means I can save money buying the things I know we need and not extra of stuff we already have.  It also means I have more time to focus my energy and thoughts on the changes I want to make.  If things are organized, it also brings me more peace.  It means not worrying about the little things.  You know the ones I'm talking about.  Like if the homework we have worked so hard on all week has made it into the hooligans backpacks, or if the meat is thawed out for the dinner I want to make,  or if the softball uniform is washed and ready for the next game.  It's all of the little things that I don't want to keep me up worrying.  If I have a process in place to ensure that these things are taken care of (including making lists, organizing, and planning) then I can fully enjoy the time I need and want to spend on making change.
   
   
4. Focus.  For me change means focusing.  It means deciding on the things I want to work on, and then doing whatever it takes to make them happen.  I'm a competitive person, and I am determined.  Usually when I make my mind up about something I will see it through.  It's who I am.  I have found however, that the older I have become the longer it takes to accomplish things.  I have many responsibilities now that I didn't have once in life, and those things take up time.  It doesn't mean I will give up though.  I'm learning that it's important to just keep going.  Take baby steps if necessary, but keep moving forward down the road.  Whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE UP!  Making change is hard, and change takes time so be patient with yourself.  I'm learning to do the same.  It's probably one of the things I will benefit from most in this process.
   
   
5. Attitude.  Last but not least (at least for now), is attitude.  My daughter plays softball.  She is a pitcher, and learning the mechanics of pitching has been extremely difficult.  There are so many things to think about all at the same time, and that can be a big task to ask of our brains.  I have echoed my collegiate volleyball coach time and time again when I have told her to check her attitude.  Our coach used to tell us that he only required us to bring two things to practice on a daily basis and those things were attitude and effort.  A good attitude and your best effort are something you are in control of, and they make a vast difference in your success.  Like I said earlier, change is hard, but when I find myself getting frustrated or down I remind myself to check my attitude and effort.  I remind myself that I am choosing these changes, and I remind myself of how badly I want and need to make them happen.  Just starting on the path is a huge success for me, but sometimes I forget to cut myself some slack and give myself credit.  I have put a lot of thought into this whole change thing, and it's something I really want in many areas of my life so I will not allow negative thoughts to set me back.  I know where I want to go, and I am slowly but surely finding ways to get there.  It may take the whole year, and it may take longer, but forward movement is forward movement, so as long as my attitude and effort are on the right end of the spectrum I should have no problem getting where I want to go.

I realize that this is a lot of information and really a bit out of the ordinary for my little blog, but you asked me to share so I am putting myself out there and doing exactly what you asked.  These things may not work for you.  You might be hyperventilating at the thought of lists and organization, but these are my strengths.  These are the familiar tools that I am choosing to use to step outside of the box and make some big changes in my life.  I encourage you to do the same.  Put your strengths to work and use them to help you be successful in whatever endeavor you are tackling.  If you don't think you have strengths, think again.  I promise you have at least one, and I'm certain that you have several.  If you're not sure what they are then ask those around you.  They will be completely honest, and eventually you will learn to be kind enough to yourself to not only realize what they are, but to embrace them and be proud of them too.  

And just for the record, a post is not a post without a picture.  On this blog anyway!  I'm slowly learning to incorporate my camera back into this different life, so I will have more pictures in the future.  For me life is much better when I use my camera.  It inspires me to see and feel things that I don't any other way, so I'll leave you with this image of a slice of my mom's front yard.  Happy Spring!

Taking Chances

I've been practicing sticking my neck out.  Making changes.  Taking chances.  Stepping outside of my comfort zone.  It is scary.  It is not like me, but it is oh so good.  This quote sums it up perfectly.  "Why not go out on a limb?  Isn't that where the fruit is?"- Frank Scully

Today

Today I stayed home from work.  My daughter had a fall on the ice at school and she needed some TLC.  

Today I met my little man outside in the driveway when he came home from school.  I watched him jump down from the bus and run on the sidewalk as fast as his legs would carry him in an effort to beat the bus down the road.  He didn't win the race, but he smiled the whole entire way.  

Today I baked banana bread.  I cleaned up the kitchen, and I used up the old brown bananas for a tasty treat.  It made me feel like my mom.  It was like stepping into the picture I remember in my head of her and walking in her shoes.  It felt good.  

Today I played Hot Wheels with my boy.  I picked my favorite car out of his box and I entered the imaginary world that he loves to visit on the kitchen counter.  We drove our cars through the jungle, around an eagles nest and across an old wooden bridge.  We raced and we crashed and we smiled more than anything else.  We only played for a half an hour or so, but it felt like more than an hour had passed when we cleaned up.  It was good fun.  

Today I enlisted the help of all three hooligans to finish a set of gifts for the new women on my visiting teaching route.  We all sat around the table and put everything together so they would be ready for delivery.  Having them share in my service was a good choice for all of us.  

Today I set my studies aside and played cowboys and outlaws with the whole family.  We turned all of the lights off in the house and crept around until someone got scared enough to scream.  We shot our pistols and we laughed out loud until someone said, "Let's do it again!"  It's the best family night we've shared in a really long time and I know that for certain because the hooligans told me so.  

Today I felt like a mom.  Today I was present in my own home.  Today I felt productive, and today I felt like I made a difference.  Today was oh so good.  I'm looking forward to many more days just like this one.  This is exactly what I've been waiting for for such a long time.

Twirling

Each day after work I pick my little man up from Grandma's house and drive home to await the arrival of my girls.  He tells me about his day and the fun things that he did as we slowly inch our way home behind another one of the elementary school buses.  It's a peaceful part of my day.  It's a time when I actually live in the moment as I listen to Doop's entertaining take on the day, and each day as I listen to him I get to observe.  As I stop the car every hundred feet or so behind the school bus, I get to sit back and watch.  On one particular corner on the way home I watch as a mother approaches the bus every single day at the same exact time to help her disabled son get off of the bus.  Every day she greets the bus driver with a smile and every day she visits with him as her son slowly clambers down from the bus.  Each day she places his walker in front of him and she waves goodbye to the bus driver as she follows her son up the slope of their driveway.  On two occasions I have watched her son hurriedly pack snowballs together as his mother finishes up her chat with the bus driver, and when she turned to follow her son into the house he softly pelted her with the snow.  Both times he laughed at his own actions and she shook her head, and both times I smiled.  

Just a bit farther ahead on the same road I watch another mother.  She walks to the bus stop each day arriving at about the same time the bus does, and she waits for her son to get off.  At this particular bus stop there is what seems like 25 children that exit the bus, and each day she stands with a smile on her face while she waits for the crowd of kids to scatter finally exposing her son.  Just like clock work when he finally shakes free from the mob, he runs to meet her where she is waiting to give him a hug and a kiss and they walk home together with his hand in hers.  Every time I witness this it makes my heart smile.  I envy these ladies.  I envy the mom's that they are.  Being a mom is all I've ever wanted since the time I was told it was highly likely that being a mom wouldn't happen for me, and now it's my turn.  Over the course of this past month I have put my 2012 One Word into action.  I have officially made my first Change of the year.  I have accepted a new job.  I made a choice to change my job to one that will allow me to have more mom time.  I'm going to be one of those moms.  One of those moms that I see getting their kids off of the bus.  One of those moms who cooks dinner, and one of those moms who makes a home for their family.  I'm also going to be a daughter to parents who could really use some help right now.  I'm going to spend less time at a job, and spend more time in the places where I need to be right now in my life.  Change is good, choice is powerful, and I haven't made a decision that felt this right in a really long time.  This is the first change of many to come this year.  I have many more plans for myself and changes I want to make, but this one is big and this one affects all of us.  It's a change that we're all excited about, and it's one that has us so happy we're twirling!

One Word

Last year I participated in the One Little Word Project instead of making resolutions for the year.  My word for 2011 was Today.  It was an eye opening experience.  I couldn't believe the power of focusing on one little word, and so this year I have decided to join again.  Although I didn't make the official scrapbook, I did combine daily statements and photographs to help me continually focus on my 2011 word.  Picking out a word last year was not difficult.  I knew that my focus needed to be in the present.  It needed to be on each day one at a time.  My word for 2012 came to me just as easily.  I knew right away what I wanted to focus on for this year.  I knew what I needed to focus on.

Change.  My one word for 2012 is change.  This will be my year.  To reach out and grab hold of the things that will make my life better.  To embrace the power of decision making combined with action.  This will be the year of positive change.  I am committed to keeping my eyes on the goal and taking the necessary steps to make it happen.

Change.  Make or become different.  Alter, vary, or shift.  So many things in my life that need a positive change, and it's up to me to do it.

"They must often change, who would be constant in happiness or wisdom." -Confucius

2012 is my year of change.